The Art of Softening: How to Reclaim Your Feminine Power in a World That Demands Us To Be Tough

How past wounds and today’s realities shape our connection to feminine energy, and how we can heal.

I want to start this article with gratitude. For the wonderful women in my life who make me feel safe and seen. For the two women I recently discussed the topic of feminine and masculine energy the most with, and who helped me reflect on my own journey of surrendering to the soft and feminine. Thank you. 💗

There’s something magical about the feminine energy - it’s soft, nurturing, intuitive, and deeply connected to creativity and emotion. But tapping into that space, especially when life demands we protect ourselves more and more, isn't as simple as lighting a candle and running a bath. If anything, it often feels like a wrestling match between the part of us that wants to relax and surrender and the part that feels it needs to guard, fight, and push forward.

I’ve found myself grappling with this inner battle for years - my feminine and masculine energies constantly colliding. The masculine part of me rises up when I feel threatened or when life throws its curve balls, often leaving my feminine side gasping for air. I liken it to watching a wrestling game, except I’m the one taking every single emotional hit. Every hurt, every disappointment, every moment of fear feels like another blow that pushes me further into my masculine: protective, controlled, and detached.

For those who aren’t familiar with the concept of feminine and masculine energy, let’s take a step back.

Understanding Feminine and Masculine Energy

We all carry both energies within us, regardless of our gender. Masculine energy is characterized by structure, logic, action, and protection. It’s goal-oriented and thrives in achievement. Feminine energy, on the other hand, is flow, intuition, empathy, and creativity. It’s receptive, nurturing, and connected to emotional intelligence. Ideally, we want to balance both energies in our lives - allowing the masculine to provide structure and support while letting the feminine guide us through empathy, creativity, and connection.

But here’s the catch: when life gets tough, our masculine energy tends to take over. In a world that increasingly demands women to protect themselves, both physically and emotionally, many of us have been conditioned to rely more on our masculine side. We step into the role of the achiever, the protector, the one who controls and makes things happen, often at the expense of our softer, more intuitive feminine energy.

The Impact of Trauma on Feminine Energy

It’s no surprise that past traumas - whether emotional, physical, or psychological - push us further into our masculine energy. For many of us, stepping into that masculine role is a form of survival. It’s how we’ve learned to protect ourselves from being hurt again. But while this armor serves its purpose, it often leaves little room for our feminine energy to flourish.

Take my own experience, for instance. Growing up, I watched my mother, a single mom, navigate the world with fierce independence. She stepped up in ways that were nothing short of heroic, and I admired her strength. But seeing her constantly in “fight mode” left its mark on me. Without realizing it, I internalized the belief that I, too, had to be fiercely independent, always on guard, and never fully allowing myself to rest in my feminine energy. Not because she actively taught me so, but because it was the only way I knew. I adore her and we are now on this softening-journey together.

It wasn’t until recently, when I began to see some of my closest, most independent girlfriends meet partners who truly cherished them, that I noticed a shift. These women, who were once deeply rooted in their masculine energy - always in control, always the protector and caretaker in their own life - began to soften. As they let their guards down, I watched as their feminine energy bloomed. They became more playful, more intuitive, and more connected to their emotions. One of them got her boyfriend a little cactus as a gift, “jokingly” symbolizing herself: cute to look at and in the need for love, but with a lot of spines for protection. In a symbolic way, in handing him the tiny cactus, she was literally giving him her guard, a sign that she trusts him to take care of her (heart). A symbol of self-reflection and the will to let her guard down. I still smile when I think of it! The transformation of my friends was beautiful to witness, but it also made me question: why is it that we often feel we can only step into our feminine energy when we’re being taken care of?

A World That Demands Protection

The truth is, we live in a world that doesn’t always feel safe, especially for women. Whether it's the emotional labor we carry in relationships, the pressure to perform in our careers, or the societal expectations placed upon us, it’s no wonder so many of us find ourselves leaning into our masculine energy for guard and protection. Not to mention the actual physical danger some of us experience in the streets, coming from sexual harassment and the likes. Furthermore, we live in a culture that celebrates hustle, independence, and achievement, often at the cost of softness, surrender, and intuition.

But what if we could change that narrative? What if we could learn to balance our masculine and feminine energies, even in a world that often feels harsh? For me, this journey has been about consciously allowing my feminine energy to coexist with my masculine, rather than letting one dominate the other. It’s about trusting that I can be both strong and soft, both protective and open-hearted, without being hurt.

How to Reconnect with Your Feminine Energy

So how do we begin to tap back into our feminine energy, especially when life feels like it’s constantly pushing us into survival mode?

1. Create Safe Spaces
   Your feminine energy thrives in environments where you feel safe - emotionally, mentally, and physically. This might mean setting stronger boundaries in relationships, surrounding yourself with supportive people, or carving out time for self-care rituals that allow you to slow down and tune into your inner world. Like I’m doing right now, sitting on a bench in the park, sipping coffee and writing this article. This moment is so beautiful and precious to me, that I just shed a tear - let your emotions flow softly. 

2. Reconnect with Your Body
   Feminine energy is deeply rooted in the body and trauma is stored in our body, especially our hips. Practices like yoga, Reformer Pilates, dance, or even just mindful breathing can help you get out of your head and reconnect with your physical self. Moving your body in ways that feel soft, intuitive and nourishing can reignite that sense of flow and softness within you. I also tried Hula-Hoop for the first time two weeks ago (my mom is hooked on it) and the endorphins were strong! I loved it so much, that my mom just sent me a hoop to Frankfurt. Whenever I grab it, even if just for 5 minutes, I am brimming with energy and joy afterwards.

3. Nurture Your Emotional World
   Emotions are the language of the feminine, but many of us have learned to suppress or ignore them. Make space for your emotions, whether through journaling, therapy, or simply allowing yourself to feel without judgment, truly tapping into your emotions. The more you honor your emotions, the more you’ll cultivate your feminine energy.

4. Let Go of Control
   One of the hallmarks of masculine energy is control - planning, organizing, and staying on top of things. While these traits are useful, they can also keep us stuck in a constant state of “doing.” Practice surrender by letting go of control in small ways. Trust that you don’t need to have everything figured out for things to work out.

5. Surround Yourself with Feminine Role Models
   Look for examples of women who embody both strength and softness. Whether it’s a friend, a family member, or a public figure, finding women who’ve mastered the art of balancing their masculine and feminine energies can inspire you to do the same. I find those role models in my friends but also in Melissa Wood-Tepperberg. She is so open and vulnerable about the struggles of every day life, while being successful with what she loves the most - grounding and movement. I adore her and whenever I find myself caught up in the whirlwind of life and uncertainty, I come back to her meditations and workouts. They are the definition of soft and feminine yet strong.

Final Thoughts

Finding that balance between masculine and feminine energy is a lifelong practice. For many of us, the protective walls we’ve built up around our feminine energy have been necessary for survival. But as we heal, as we step into new phases of life, we can begin to soften those walls and allow our feminine energy to bloom.

Remember, it’s not about choosing one over the other - it’s about allowing both energies to coexist in harmony. Your masculine energy will always be there to protect you when needed, but your feminine energy is just as powerful, offering you the gifts of intuition, connection, and emotional depth, fundamentals of genuine growth.

So, my question for you is this: In what ways have you been holding onto your masculine energy for protection, and how can you begin to invite more softness, more surrender, into your life today?

This reflection opens a door to explore your own inner landscape, allowing you to start a new chapter where both, your strength and softness, are celebrated.

You are loved, you are protected, you are cherished.

Share with a friend who might need to hear this as well.

xoxo 💗